If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize