I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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