Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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