I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
