I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
