I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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