New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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