Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
