Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
