And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
