Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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