i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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