sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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