the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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