I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Randomize
