no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
