So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
