You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
