Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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