wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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