he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
