Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have started to decorate penises.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
