so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
