just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
