That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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