Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
