How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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