fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
