For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's never too late to be topless.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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