I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
