just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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