accomplished twins. life is a go
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
