Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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