Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
