there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
