sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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