Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize