shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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