Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
