I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
