Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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