Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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