so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
