this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
nutella sex= disaster
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
