youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
