Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
