i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
