I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
