If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
