Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
