We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He did a backflip because drugs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
