It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
