He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
