like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
