Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
