Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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