I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
barbara walters just said penis...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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