How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
