tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize