If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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