Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
