Pappa wants mamma naked
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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