Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
