just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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