I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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