went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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