Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
