my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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