lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
