Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
