we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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