do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize