My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just google imaged poop.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
