Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
