You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As shirtless as possible
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
