i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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