New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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