The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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