So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
