nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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