morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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