Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
