I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
