if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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