lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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