she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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