drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
