Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize