Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i barfeds in our rink
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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