But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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