there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
