he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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