If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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