lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
