Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
