I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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