To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
