sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
