I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
