we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
