don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
