Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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