I wish I could punch you in the face.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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