you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
