I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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